Sleepless Nights

Writer: Rawan Yousry

Editors: Abdulelah and Maram Mohammed

I used to be a burning candle.

I was blown out with your last words. Your mouth confessed your candle belongs to someone else; blowing the strongest breath I have ever passed by. They blew out my flames. And now, I am left in the dark, or at least as dark as this night could get. 

However, we only see the stars in the absence of light. Years have made me see the stars of my heart. They made me see that I am better off without you.

However, I can’t deny the fact that many of my nights are still dull. The moon is nowhere to be found. With every month the moon of my heart mostly remains empty or sometimes half preoccupied and rarely ever full for a night.

However, I still believe the most beautiful things are to be seen in the dark, with the guidance of the heart. And thus, I am satisfied with the little light I have left from the stars. My sky is still full of shooting stars. My heart still makes a wish with every single time.

However, I can’t deny the fact that the flowers of my heart miss the biggest star-the sun. No matter how good dark nights are, the flowers of my heart are in need of your sunlight.

However, I am grateful for all the clouds that covered your ultraviolet lights. 

However, I am still sad, and I have every right.

However, I still soften at your sight.

However, I’ve got to control my inner self and fight.

And thus, I talk to him every night.

He is my dark side.

I can’t abandon him.

I can’t count how many times I tried and failed.

In my ears he whispers. I hear his concerns shared:

“Can you count how many times you cried?

Now you will just go away and hide!”

In my ears he whispers…. None of the rebukes spared:

“I am surprised that you can’t reach the peak.

Why are you so weak?

Move on, you freak!”

It happens every night

Like a firefight

He is eating me up

Like a parasite. 

Nobody feels the pain.

The devil within me has the copyright.

No other devil dares to show this pain to anyone.

Nobody feels the pain

No matter how much I describe it….it is always in vain.

He keeps on going with his rant.

I try shutting him down, but I can’t.

He never listened to my wishes to grant.

I really wish we could unite

And maybe then, the devil would call it a night

Tranquility is supposed to be a birthright.

One day I’ll learn to win the fight.

And learn to treat my heart right.