My Childhood Trauma

Writer: Mariam El Sanabary

Editor: Abdallah Sobhi

I was not abused, so I lived in a peaceful house. My trauma is that I had a really small body for so many feelings—feelings that I could not control.
I heard a lot of whispers around me: “she gets sad too easily”; “a spoiled little girl who cries at the smallest things.” The problem is they were right. I did cry a lot and got sad at the tiniest of things—and I probably still do!

But it’s not because I am spoiled; it’s because I feel too much. I feel much more than my body could handle. Perhaps, I even felt it when you cried because someone died, for I felt like I was you at that moment.

No, I was you at that moment, and that’s why I sobbed with you.

I felt as happy as you were when you were on top of our class.

Because I was you;

No, I am not spoiled; I am sensitive. Your small words make a huge impact, just as much as your sadness and happiness do.

I am a bunch of lives in one body; you will never know who I am today because I am part of everyone and everyone is part of me. Imagine living in that small body with that universe inside!

It’s a mess.

But I thank this mess. It made me write this; it made me here; it made me “me.