I’m Fine

Writer: Hania Mostafa
Editor: Ahmed Ashry

“Are you okay?”

I thought: no I’m not fine, not at all. I’m hurting so badly. I’m lost and I can’t find my way back. My eyes are full of tears fighting their way out. I’m trying to hold myself together but I don’t think I can do it anymore. Can you please come and talk to me? Or just call? You don’t know how much I need it. But I can’t tell you this. What if you told me that I’m not a priority? That I’m not important to you? I wouldn’t be able to handle this.

So I put on my fakest smile and said “I’m fine”

I admit “I’m fine” is the easy way out of everything. 
You use it when you feel that no one would understand you. 
You use it when you get overwhelmed with emotions that you can’t describe with words. 
You use it when you’re afraid of rejections. 

You use it when your mind is full of thoughts and your heart is full of feelings that you don’t understand. 
You use it to avoid questions that you don’t want to be asked. 
“How?” “What?” “Why?”

“I’m fine” is the coating that we use to hide the messy, complicated truth. 

“I’m fine” is the most commonly used lie ever. 
When you hear people say “I’m fine”, look at their eyes. Ask yourself:

Do these eyes look “fine” to you?

They say “eyes are the windows to the souls” and I couldn’t agree more about anything because sometimes we just get tired of explaining, tired of complaining, tired of describing how we feel.

In that situation, the eyes are what will never lie and cover the truth.

So people, just look into each other’s eyes when talking. You don’t know how much of a difference this will make.

And a small piece of advice for anyone about to say “I’m fine” when their heart is breaking inside: Don’t say it. Talk. Get it all out. You are strong enough to do that. Do it for yourself.