Writer: Sarah Mandor
Editor: Ahmed Ashry
Entering a room with an awkward smile, he said,
“I know you are angry, but I need you to listen to me.”
She looked at him and said, “I am not angry, you made me develop.”
“I am glad I did but how?”
“You taught me that the prettiest eyes could lie.
You taught me that the most angelic faces can hold the most horrible hearts. You taught me that people who make you feel that no one is ever allowed to hurt you when you are with them, with all of the safety this makes you feel, can be the ones shooting you with a gun directed towards your heart. You taught me that people are too good at pretending to be someone they are not. “
“Come on. You are being so harsh here; I had my reasons.”
“Screw your reasons. You are creating false intentions to calm down your feelings of regret; you know you destroyed everything. You know you caused me the pain you always promised not to cause. I am not disappointed in you anymore, but you know what makes me angry?”
“What?”
“Everybody warned me from you, even my gut. My inner voices were screaming “He is bad for you. He is deceiving you. He is manipulating you.” I knew you were lying, but I defended you anyway. I always ended up believing your lies. You looked at my eyes like a child looking to his mother’s eyes after breaking something to ask her not to punish him. The only difference is that what you were breaking was my heart.”
“But you loved me.”
“I did. I definitely did, and I don’t regret it. I believed loving you was the only certainty I ever knew. I believed it made me an angel. I tried to fix every inch of your soul even when it was destroying me, because of me. I felt good about myself while doing it. Maybe I was trying to make myself see something. Maybe your love helped me in loving me too.”
“Did it help then?”
“Not at all. I hated myself for loving you. I hated myself for accepting how mean you were to me. I hated myself for how hesitant you were. I hated myself for allowing you to treat me poorly, yet I couldn’t give you up. God, I tried a million times to give up on you.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because I thought that giving up on you means I am weak. I thought if I couldn’t handle the person I was in love with, then I probably am a coward who can’t be responsible for her own choices. I didn’t leave because whenever I tried leaving, your eyes begged me to stay. Your eyes were always telling a different story, and to my misfortune, I always believed it.”
“I am sorry.”
“No. I AM sorry. I am sorry if forgiving you seemed like a green light to destroy my life. I didn’t know you were poor at reading signs. I am sorry I gave you the ability to destroy me. And the last thing I am apologizing for, is that I no longer feel a thing towards you. My heart isn’t playing a song when I see you anymore.
I no longer see your love as an adventure. I am sorry, but I feel nothing anymore. I am so sorry you didn’t appreciate what I was giving. I was over watering a dead flower waiting for it to blossom. And my biggest apology is that I am sorry that you are no longer that big person in my eyes. You are merely a very ordinary person whom I had past with and no place in my future for.“
