Christmas Couple Ornament

Writer: Shawn Berman


The following poem is written by Shawn Berman, one of our Twitter Competition Winners!

WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY BREAK OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS COUPLE ORNAMENT YOU GO ON A HUGE TANGENT AND SAY THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT WE WILL EVER LAST NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY BECAUSE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE IDC ABOUT US AS A COUPLE

standing there in the kitchen

with minnie mouse’s broken head in my hand,

mickey’s in the other,

I’m flabbergasted how I could ever be so stupid–

how I could ever think that one branch from our sad-ass

$15 walgreen’s xmas tree

would possibly be strong enough to support

this mammoth

of an ornament, 

knowing damn well

what the outcome would even be before placing it on the flimsy plastic pole.

yes, it was truly stupid of me, I know that–

and now? I have to listen to you go on and on about how this is our destiny–

how no matter how hard we try to overcome this accidental mistake

there will always be this horrific cloud of juju hovering in the air around us

and there’s not a single thing we can do about it

because even superglue knows the whole truth

that our love is tainted and bruised and oh brother who cares? poor mickey is decapitated!!

r.i.p. to a real one.