Writer: Nesrina Ahmed
Editor: Khaled Mohamed
I’ll begin this article with a sigh. Yes, that hopeless and desperate noise we make when the weight of the statue of liberty is pressing down on our hearts. That tear that secretly slips when you’re alone in your room with no eyes watching you. Those sobs that fill your room when you’ve hit a dead-end, you let them float in your room because you’re sure no one is listening.
Well, let’s talk about that One who’s always watching and always has ears for your silent cries. Our true one and only, Allah.
I’ve been through something that I’d like to share with you and hopefully, you’ll get something useful out of my experience.
Lately, life hasn’t been treating me so well. People around me, no matter how close they were, were so busy with their own lives that I was left alone. Then life itself turned against me. Difficult situations rained down upon me and I physically got hurt.
I didn’t blame anyone, that’s how life is anyway. I did the same, lost myself in my mind, but instead of being a creator just like everyone else I was a destroyer. I kept searching for the holes inside my life, for what I lack and what I need. I was a bit away from Allah and everything just sucked even more. I felt alone and scared all the time. Days passed and I was still the same stressed, angry-all-the-time me.
Until a couple of days ago when something happened. It was Fajr. I prayed and then picked up the book I was reading before praying. I changed positions though and went to read by the window. I was fascinated by the sunlight’s glory and how it fell upon the buildings, making them more beautiful than they truly were. And that’s when it hit me.
The Sun’s brightness made me think of that day, our final day, when the Sun would rise from the west and I asked myself, am I ready? Am I even close to being ready for that day? My answer was predictable, it was no.
I ran with horror playing with my heart and opened my Mushaf immediately and you don’t know how thankful I felt to find the words of the Qur’an still visible for me to read. I was extremely thankful that I had another chance and that God averted my attention to that chance.
Since that day, I felt completely different. My beliefs were refreshed, and I even carried myself differently. But something was still missing. Faith. My Faith in God was still weak and that was because of what I’ve been through. I had no reason to believe that everything would be alright nor that my troubles would cease and disappear any time soon.
Earlier, I mentioned that I went through physical health problems, but apparently, that was what I needed to find what I’ve been lacking.
Something was wrong with my shoulder and it made me scared to death. I didn’t go to any doctors and that was because we were waiting to see if it’s a normal temporary pain or if it was dangerous. I waited, with fear dancing in my heart.
One day I was praying Fajr and decided to pray the Sunnah too, something I hadn’t done in a long time. During the Sunnah, I prayed to Allah and asked him to heal my arm, and even if it can’t be healed, I prayed that it was nothing serious. After two days of pain, I was informed (the same day of that Fajr prayer) that my arm was not in danger and that it’s a simple illness that will go away. I was really surprised, and I honestly still am, that my prayers were answered so quickly even though I wasn’t that good of a person.
I realized that all the mistakes and bad stuff I’ve done can be forgiven and all my problems will be resolved. I mean, the good news I received the same day I prayed Sunnah? That’s no coincidence! That was God showing me his kindness and that he’s here for me no matter what I’ve done. That was Him showing me how to regain my Faith.
I know that my story sounds like those typical ones that tell you to believe in God and his power, but what I’m trying to tell you here is: you might be a bad person right now, you might have just hurt someone or you might have gotten drunk few days ago. But as long as you have that voice in your head that tells you to stop, then just know that God still loves and cares for you. That voice might be small, almost non-existent in the chaos of your life but it’s there and it’s your mission to make it louder.
It’s also your choice. Having no control over your anger, complaining, cursing your life, your hardships, and abandoning your prayers are all easy choices but they lead to no good. I wasn’t that bad of a person, but I still feared that dreadful day. So what do you think a truly bad person would feel like?
Save yourself before it’s too late and by too late I mean before your heart stops beating. Because from what I’ve learned, God is always there for us and is always ready to forgive us, ignoring our awful decisions and behaviors.
And remember, every second of every day is another chance given to you from Allah so you could change for the better.
Share your stories with us! If you are having trouble finding your inner voice like I was then we’d definitely love to help you. And if you’ve already found it, then tell us how you did it and be the source of inspiration for someone else!