Conversations with Oneself

Writer: Aya Elsaiedy
Editor: Abdulellah

— “Hey there, beautiful. It’s been a while. You’ve been caught up with so many people and things that I thought you forgot about me!”

— ‘I know. I’ve been giving all my attention to things I shouldn’t be involved in. Desperately trying to fix others when my own hands were shaking. Healing their wounds and leaving mine to bleed. I apologize for that. I’m now here for you and only you.’

— “So how’s everything? Are you still with the guy I’ve last seen you with? Do you still have the same friends?”

– ‘We’ve left each other months ago. I’m sorry you’re just finding out now. About my… friends. They left…. I won’t lie, it was really painful, but I’ve realized that one shouldn’t depend on people much and let it affect them that way. You’ve got hopes and dreams to fulfill, and people are just reasons. They may help, and they also may not. At the end of the day, they’re like sunsets. You can never really look at a sunset and go “soften the orange a bit in the right hand corner.” You just watch it unfold, and don’t expect too much.’

— “You’ve really grown so much. How about your mom? Still got issues with her?”

— ‘Not really. When I come to think of it, I realize just how silly the things we bickered about were. Also, life is too short to waste on unnecessary things like such. Just focus on what makes you happy, and who matters to you most because you never know when it all could be over.’

‘This time, I just want to do what I love and always choose to be happy and accept myself.’

— “Dear self, I’m truly proud of you. Not only for not giving up, but for also choosing to push forward and not look back. I’m sorry you had to go through so much alone, but what you sometimes don’t realize is that I’m here. I always am here for you. No one’s got your back like I have, and no one can help like I can. You’ve just got to let me. You’re wonderful. You’re capable of so much. I believe in you. Don’t forget that.”