Late At Night When I am Alone

Writer: Rawan Yousry
Editor: Abdullah Sobhi

Late at night

When I am alone 

All the knives seem tempting to use

All the medications seem tempting to abuse

But would someone ever get my excuse?

Despite my efforts 

All my problems out of my hands have outgrown 

Despite my efforts 

All my fears have found their ways to my mind’s throne

With tyranny

Their power have reached overseas conquered my mind, 

And enslaved any potential glee 

Depression has found it’s way to me

Breaking me 

Bone by bone

And so

Every night 

When I am alone

I almost find a way to end it all

But what if what I think is a rope led down to self ease

Turns out to be a rope led down into the dark abyss 

Would it be any more comforting?

Thus 

When I am seconds away from doing so

Seconds away from getting what I think I want

What my devils daily within my mind chant

I back off

And find a way to end it all

Go back to sleep 

Shut down my heart’s weep

Start counting the sheep

Hoping that one day I’ll have a taste of what they call oversleep

Hoping a nightmare won’t get my heart out of my chest to leap

Hoping I won’t pass

by the internal struggle once more 

But 24 hours later 

I pass by it all once more

Late at night 24 hours later

When I am alone 

It comes back 

As bad as though it never occurred before

Once again 

All the knives seem tempting to use

Once again 

All the medications seem tempting to abuse

But would someone ever get my excuse?