Writer: Hagar Ezzo
There are a lot of things to look out for when starting a potential relationship with someone, but sometimes we don’t realize certain red flags until it’s too late – or we decide to focus on the positives. Often this leads to issues later on or even toxicity in the relationship (and some struggle to leave toxic relationships). I think we’d all rather avoid the future toxicity and heartbreak, so here are ten uncommon red flags in both men and women that you should look out for!
You Only Spend Time With Each Other
Yes, couple time is important and bonding is a key factor in relationships – but when it gets to a point where you only see each other, it can lead to personal issues.You may feel like you can’t live without them, can’t be in public without them and may become codependent.
Saying All of Their Exes are Crazy
Yes, we’ve all had the occasional weird ex-girlfriend/boyfriend in our lives, but if someone claims that everyone they’ve previously dated was the problem, it’s probably the other way around. Similarly, if they tell you their exes’ secrets, they’ll probably do the same to yours if you ever break up.
How They Talk About People in Their Lives
The people in their lives are kind of like work references, they tell you things about your (potential) partner that they themselves may not admit. If you partner always seems to bring down the people in their life or talk about how annoying they are, it’s probably an insecurity/lack of taking responsibility. Also ask yourself: are they dismissive of their friends’ feelings? How do they rationalize and approach issues? What advice do they give to friends?
Having a bit of an ego can be nice, but if the person you’re seeing is very egotistical, they may see you as a competitor and try to beat you every chance they get. Whether it be during a video game, serious fight, or anything else, they will try to compete.
Using Ultimatums in Fights
Telling a person to choose between X or breaking up is definitely a red flag. This one seems obvious, but a lot of people fall into this trap (myself included) and brush off the behavior. Usually they’ll later state that they weren’t really being serious or they just wanted to know what the reply would be. Walk out the door right away.
If Your Friends/Family Hate Them
Not everyone has to love your partner, but people outside of your relationship can realize things about them that you don’t. If most of the people in your life hate your significant other, there may be a bigger issue that you can’t see.
And not the Chandler Bing kind! If when you bring up serious issues you’re met with sarcasm, that’s a problem right there! (Ex: “Fine! I’ll just not speak to anyone ever again.”) The person probably doesn’t know how to accept responsibility/blame and they’ll probably try to ricochet it onto you.
Not Meeting Any of Their Friends
This one may seem weird, but let me explain! If you are a few months into the relationship and haven’t met their friends (and want to meet them), chances are they don’t know about you! Whether the person is a player or they don’t want to be seen with you, no excuse on Earth could justify this.
Putting You On a Pedestal
Yes, it can seem romantic at first, but it soon turns into them being infatuated with the version of you they’ve idealized in their head. Which isn’t you. If you do anything outside of their perfect fictional version of you, they’ll freak out. When you’re high up on a pedestal, the only way left is down.
Telling Half Truths
“You didn’t ask me about X, so technically I didn’t lie.” Run. There’s a big chance it won’t get better. Half truths are still lies. Save yourself the headache. These are just some red flags that people generally don’t recognize or overlook, but they’re equally as toxic and draining as common red flags. Overlooking red flags won’t make your relationship last (at least not happily), so save yourself the heartache. Make sure you know the person’s intentions from the beginning. Read between the lines, ask other people about them, and stay safe!