Toxic but Lovable

Writer: Haidy Wazery

Pulling yourself out of a toxic friendship or relationship
is the hardest thing you can ever do in your social life.

Learning to cut off a person whom you have shared
memories with is something unbearable sometimes.

Believing that this certain person brings you nothing
but pain takes time.

It takes time for you to absorb in.

You are thinking about all these memories that will go
in vain.

All these years in a friendship or a relationship will just
vanish into thin air,

And you are so damn afraid that you will be left with
nothing but heartbreak and regret.

Your inner self is pushing you towards what you mostly

The thing is what you mostly desire in moments like
these is the thing you are trying so hard to forget.

That voice inside your head is telling you not to cut
them off your life.

You are telling yourself that it’s just a matter of time.

Maybe you are making a big deal out of it.
Maybe you are selfish.

The number of excuses you are making for these people do nothing but weigh you down, pressure you and consume your energy.

You are confused.
You are trembling in fear.

You are alone and you are afraid to be left alone.

Isn’t that somehow ironic?

How the existence of these people doesn’t affect the
loneliness you are feeling, yet you are afraid to cut
them off as not to feel lonely?

Does that even make sense?
The answer is yes.

That’s how twisted and complicated your feelings
towards them have become,

And that’s what makes them toxic, my friend.

Cause even after all they have done to you;

You know so damn well they’re toxic.

But you still love them unconditionally with your pure

And you can never really gather the courage to allow
yourself free of them.