Guest writer: Habiba Hassan
Editor: Nada Elnady
With every flick of fire disappearing into thin air, her mind wanders off to the memories related to that recent place and time. Every song, smell, and place seem to be a reminder of what a naive person can suffer from as a result of loving the wrong person, that with every belief came a high price to be paid, endless nights, and an absence of emotions that make you look dead.
It’s similar to wandering in a dark forest with no guidance, or watching the waves of an ocean rage so high that they devour all that is in their way. All what people can see is all the courage she mustered up to cover the hurricane inside of her. That willpower she composed, as her other side awaited the anguishing moment to heartlessly torture them all.
It’s like she wants to be away when it all happens, yet be able to hear their screams, feel the ground shake from how unmercifully she decided to put justice in to action and in the place of murder. You can see the glow in her eyes by the fire pit and under the visible moonlight. That glow is followed by goosebumps and a shake; it’s like she is falling down; she is losing.
Under the warm sunrise, by the tip of the cliff, behind her, was a meadow of daisies. As she slowly walked through the delicate flowers, her arms brushing against their petals, she indulged in the warm and peaceful sensation roaming her soul. This feeling bubbled up in her as she observed the letters laying on her lap while a faint smile appeared on her face.
The words written in this letter were the realist lead to her present and past self. Her grace led her to the conclusion that expressing her hidden self and her journey towards healing would help nurture her soul. It can provide her with guidance towards the road of love, faith, acceptance, and grief that is not accompanied with pain, towards her new life. The more she wandered off to her surroundings, the more grounded she felt, the lesser the blaze would hurt her, burn her, or eat up parts of her.
The bitterness she felt mixed with the estranged urge to be away from her current self always led her to resenting her current situation; she resented how she went from gaining the love and support of those around her to hating more parts of her that need to be loved. From her eliciting smiles of joy and happy tears to her shedding more tears of agony.
Now as the sun sets, her armor is taken off and is laid along with her letters, her belongings, and most importantly, the old version of herself. Now, she rises to take in more tenderness for herself rather than just others; now, she wears that silly smile around as she twirls in her own skin. She doesn’t care if she is with her partner or not; she gives in to the sound of life’s music and to the hidden tunes of nature.
Now, she silences the deafening screams and begging of the as she walks past the gates of her hell in pride and strength, with her signature smirk that is part of her identity.